Writing Awards and Distinctions
2009
Finalist, National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2009 Column-
Writing Competition
Book Ideas Scrapped in 2009
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
While reports of the Spears book's postponement got plenty of media coverage, other
scrapped book ideas went unnoticed...
What's in a Nonsense Name?
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
The trend in giving your company a nonsense name reached a new high when Sci Fi
channel announced it was changing its name to "Syfy."...
2008
Finalist,"Best Commentary," Online News Association Awards
Second Place, National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2008
Column-Writing Competition
New U.S. Citizenship Test: The Version You Didn't See
1st Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
This month, a new U.S. Citizenship test goes into effect. Given the general level of
civic education in the U.S., it's surprising the project hasn't been outsourced to India...
Fee-quent Flying
2nd Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
In June, American Airlines began charging passengers $15 for the first checked bag on
domestic flights.
The Secret Truth Behind Diners
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Just like everyone in the Northeast has a favorite road rage swear word, so too does
every man, woman, and child in the urban Northeast have a favorite diner...
How to Quit Your Job
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I've resigned from eight jobs over the past 18 years, and have handled the "giving
notice" moments with everything from heartfelt empathy to sadistic glee.
What Reality Television Can Do For The Olympics
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Reality television show producers, proudly noting they invented the concept of
obscure Americans competing in tight, skimpy outfits for glory and lucrative contracts
way before the Olympics came around to it...
What's Not to Like About Those Post-Debate Focus Groups
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Perhaps the most frustrating staple of post-debate network news coverage is that all-
too-familiar battleground state focus group...
2007
Named Humor Writer of the Month, Erma Bombeck Writing Institute,
University of Dayton
'Price is Right' Audition Notes
4th Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Now that Drew Carey has been named to replace Bob Barker on "The Price is Right,"
producers have recently released their audition remarks...
Citizen Came
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Responding to charges it was out of touch with real life...
Voter Tune-Out
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Election officials have unveiled a new proposal for ensuring fair U.S. voting protocols
in 2008...
2006
Thanks and Misgivings
2nd Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I'm looking at a photo of my self topless...
First Day Jitters for the Kid in Dad
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
The night before the first day of school was always the longest night of my life
Homework Bound
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Last week, my 6 year-old son's Thanksgiving-themed homework assignment was to
tell a personal story...
Don't Bank On It
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Few American institutions have changed as little over time as the local bank...
It's Valen-Time
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
For my sister-in-law Jessica, February 14 is not only Valentine's Day, but also her
birthday...
My Oscar-Worthy Experience
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Fifteen years ago, I was an unemployed 22 year-old living in a friend's studio
apartment...
The Age of Obsolescence
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
You know it's time to update your home technology when your six-year-old
complains...
When the Mice Are Away...
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
This week, my family made the six-hour trek to my ex wife's parents' house in
Martha's Vineyard...
In the Cards
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
June and July are big celebration months for me...
Pimp My Bag
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
It's probably safe to say women are more obsessed with their personal bags than men
are...
Potty Train
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
...you've probably noticed the foul odor hitting you like a slimy smack in the nose at
the far end of the tracks...
Beauty on the Beast
Semi-Finalist,HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I've always been the kind of person who believed that shampoo and conditioner could
coexist in the same bottle...
2009
Finalist, National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2009 Column-
Writing Competition
Book Ideas Scrapped in 2009
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
While reports of the Spears book's postponement got plenty of media coverage, other
scrapped book ideas went unnoticed...
What's in a Nonsense Name?
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
The trend in giving your company a nonsense name reached a new high when Sci Fi
channel announced it was changing its name to "Syfy."...
2008
Finalist,"Best Commentary," Online News Association Awards
Second Place, National Society of Newspaper Columnists' 2008
Column-Writing Competition
New U.S. Citizenship Test: The Version You Didn't See
1st Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
This month, a new U.S. Citizenship test goes into effect. Given the general level of
civic education in the U.S., it's surprising the project hasn't been outsourced to India...
Fee-quent Flying
2nd Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
In June, American Airlines began charging passengers $15 for the first checked bag on
domestic flights.
The Secret Truth Behind Diners
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Just like everyone in the Northeast has a favorite road rage swear word, so too does
every man, woman, and child in the urban Northeast have a favorite diner...
How to Quit Your Job
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I've resigned from eight jobs over the past 18 years, and have handled the "giving
notice" moments with everything from heartfelt empathy to sadistic glee.
What Reality Television Can Do For The Olympics
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Reality television show producers, proudly noting they invented the concept of
obscure Americans competing in tight, skimpy outfits for glory and lucrative contracts
way before the Olympics came around to it...
What's Not to Like About Those Post-Debate Focus Groups
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Perhaps the most frustrating staple of post-debate network news coverage is that all-
too-familiar battleground state focus group...
2007
Named Humor Writer of the Month, Erma Bombeck Writing Institute,
University of Dayton
'Price is Right' Audition Notes
4th Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Now that Drew Carey has been named to replace Bob Barker on "The Price is Right,"
producers have recently released their audition remarks...
Citizen Came
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Responding to charges it was out of touch with real life...
Voter Tune-Out
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Election officials have unveiled a new proposal for ensuring fair U.S. voting protocols
in 2008...
2006
Thanks and Misgivings
2nd Place Winner, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I'm looking at a photo of my self topless...
First Day Jitters for the Kid in Dad
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
The night before the first day of school was always the longest night of my life
Homework Bound
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Last week, my 6 year-old son's Thanksgiving-themed homework assignment was to
tell a personal story...
Don't Bank On It
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Few American institutions have changed as little over time as the local bank...
It's Valen-Time
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
For my sister-in-law Jessica, February 14 is not only Valentine's Day, but also her
birthday...
My Oscar-Worthy Experience
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
Fifteen years ago, I was an unemployed 22 year-old living in a friend's studio
apartment...
The Age of Obsolescence
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
You know it's time to update your home technology when your six-year-old
complains...
When the Mice Are Away...
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
This week, my family made the six-hour trek to my ex wife's parents' house in
Martha's Vineyard...
In the Cards
Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
June and July are big celebration months for me...
Pimp My Bag
Semi-Finalist, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
It's probably safe to say women are more obsessed with their personal bags than men
are...
Potty Train
Honorable Mention, HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
...you've probably noticed the foul odor hitting you like a slimy smack in the nose at
the far end of the tracks...
Beauty on the Beast
Semi-Finalist,HumorPress.com Humor Writing Contest
I've always been the kind of person who believed that shampoo and conditioner could
coexist in the same bottle...
Major Publishings
Wowowow.com (The Women on the Web)
A Father's Days (June 16, 2009)
Father’s Day – at least as Hallmark and Wikipedia define it – doesn’t mean all that
much to me, even though being a dad is one of the most important jobs I have...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsweek
Slouching Toward Fatherhood (April 6, 2009)
I thought being a dad would come easily to me. But soon after my son's birth, I was
looking for a way out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The New York Times Magazine
The 36 Year-Old Version (August 12, 2007)
To my naive 37-year-old eyes, my parents' condominium was just a place to sleep
while my wife and I, separated after 10 years of marriage, "figured things out."
--------------------------------------------------------
The New York Post
It's Quitting Time (June 2, 2008)
I've resigned from eight jobs over the past 18 years, and have handled the "giving
notice" moments with everything from heartfelt empathy to sadistic glee...
--------------------------------------------------------
The New York Daily News
Got a Second? (December 12, 2008)
The last leap second was recorded at the end of 2005. You spent it lingering in bed
on a cold Thursday morning, remember?
An Open Letter to Rob Zombie (September 6, 2007)
...But you can help make the real world a less brutal place than the world you
depict on film...
--------------------------------------------------------
New Jersey Monthly
The Mother of All Holidays (May, 2006)
When my brother Paul and I were in middle school, we ordered a "personally
engraved tribute plaque" for our mom a few weeks before Mother's Day...
--------------------------------------------------------
The Star-Ledger
A 'Boo' for Halloween Brutality (October 31, 2006)
A walk down the Halloween aisle at CVS or Walgreens proves the point: Gore again
wins the popular vote...
Thanks and Misgivings (November 23, 2006)
I'm looking at a photo of my self topless...
Holiday on Nice (December 20, 2006)
Somewhere in Africa, there's a goat with an unsuspecting Kenyan family's name on
it...
Memorial Daze (May 25, 2007)
Like many communities, Maplewood has scheduled two big events for Memorial
Day...
First Day Jitters for the Kid in Dad (September 4, 1007)
The night before the first day of school was always the longest night of my life...
Valentine's Day Disconnect (February 14, 2008)
Valentine's Day is probably the one holiday least connected to its historical and
cultural roots...
--------------------------------------------------------
Babble, the parenting spin-off of Nerve.com
Father's Day (August 16, 2007)
"Daddy, lock your doo-wer." one of my daughters says as we pull out of my ex-
wife's driveway...
--------------------------------------------------------
CommonTies
Invincibility (June 20, 2007)
"She's not gonna make it," my 7-year-old son Evan announces recently...
--------------------------------------------------------
New Jersey Jewish News
The Gift of Giving…or Getting your Goat (December 18, 2008)
Somewhere in Africa, there’s a goat with an unsuspecting Kenyan family’s name on
it.
--------------------------------------------------------
Mediabistro.com
Pubic Speaking Secrets for Job Seekers (March 19, 2008)
Wowowow.com (The Women on the Web)
A Father's Days (June 16, 2009)
Father’s Day – at least as Hallmark and Wikipedia define it – doesn’t mean all that
much to me, even though being a dad is one of the most important jobs I have...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsweek
Slouching Toward Fatherhood (April 6, 2009)
I thought being a dad would come easily to me. But soon after my son's birth, I was
looking for a way out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The New York Times Magazine
The 36 Year-Old Version (August 12, 2007)
To my naive 37-year-old eyes, my parents' condominium was just a place to sleep
while my wife and I, separated after 10 years of marriage, "figured things out."
--------------------------------------------------------
The New York Post
It's Quitting Time (June 2, 2008)
I've resigned from eight jobs over the past 18 years, and have handled the "giving
notice" moments with everything from heartfelt empathy to sadistic glee...
--------------------------------------------------------
The New York Daily News
Got a Second? (December 12, 2008)
The last leap second was recorded at the end of 2005. You spent it lingering in bed
on a cold Thursday morning, remember?
An Open Letter to Rob Zombie (September 6, 2007)
...But you can help make the real world a less brutal place than the world you
depict on film...
--------------------------------------------------------
New Jersey Monthly
The Mother of All Holidays (May, 2006)
When my brother Paul and I were in middle school, we ordered a "personally
engraved tribute plaque" for our mom a few weeks before Mother's Day...
--------------------------------------------------------
The Star-Ledger
A 'Boo' for Halloween Brutality (October 31, 2006)
A walk down the Halloween aisle at CVS or Walgreens proves the point: Gore again
wins the popular vote...
Thanks and Misgivings (November 23, 2006)
I'm looking at a photo of my self topless...
Holiday on Nice (December 20, 2006)
Somewhere in Africa, there's a goat with an unsuspecting Kenyan family's name on
it...
Memorial Daze (May 25, 2007)
Like many communities, Maplewood has scheduled two big events for Memorial
Day...
First Day Jitters for the Kid in Dad (September 4, 1007)
The night before the first day of school was always the longest night of my life...
Valentine's Day Disconnect (February 14, 2008)
Valentine's Day is probably the one holiday least connected to its historical and
cultural roots...
--------------------------------------------------------
Babble, the parenting spin-off of Nerve.com
Father's Day (August 16, 2007)
"Daddy, lock your doo-wer." one of my daughters says as we pull out of my ex-
wife's driveway...
--------------------------------------------------------
CommonTies
Invincibility (June 20, 2007)
"She's not gonna make it," my 7-year-old son Evan announces recently...
--------------------------------------------------------
New Jersey Jewish News
The Gift of Giving…or Getting your Goat (December 18, 2008)
Somewhere in Africa, there’s a goat with an unsuspecting Kenyan family’s name on
it.
--------------------------------------------------------
Mediabistro.com
Pubic Speaking Secrets for Job Seekers (March 19, 2008)
The Irreverent Homemaker
Curious Parents
The Parent Paper
Central Penn Parent
About Families PA
Windsor Parent Magazine
Piedmont Parent
Staten Island Parent
The Village Family Magazine
Sacramento Parent Magazine
Toledo Area Parent News
Nashville Parent
Parents' Source
North State Parent
Parenting Plus
Kansas City Parent
Kids Vermont
Baton Rouge Parents Magazine
Curious Parents
The Parent Paper
Central Penn Parent
About Families PA
Windsor Parent Magazine
Piedmont Parent
Staten Island Parent
The Village Family Magazine
Sacramento Parent Magazine
Toledo Area Parent News
Nashville Parent
Parents' Source
North State Parent
Parenting Plus
Kansas City Parent
Kids Vermont
Baton Rouge Parents Magazine
ParentWise Austin
MetroFamily Magazine
Ohio Valley Parent
City Parent (Ontario)
Baltimore's Child
Mahoning Valley Parent Magazine (Ohio)
Family-Life Magazine (Sonoma, CA)
Arizona Parenting Magazine
The Jewish Advocate
Atlanta Parent Magazine
Austin Family Magazine
New Jersey Family
NewJerseyNewsroom.com
The Art of Manliness
SingleDad.com
Fatherville.com
DIYFather.com
The Dad Jam
MetroFamily Magazine
Ohio Valley Parent
City Parent (Ontario)
Baltimore's Child
Mahoning Valley Parent Magazine (Ohio)
Family-Life Magazine (Sonoma, CA)
Arizona Parenting Magazine
The Jewish Advocate
Atlanta Parent Magazine
Austin Family Magazine
New Jersey Family
NewJerseyNewsroom.com
The Art of Manliness
SingleDad.com
Fatherville.com
DIYFather.com
The Dad Jam
My parenting essays have also appeared in:
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