Even creepier is the concept of Uncle Sam being in bed with Ma Bell. Phone companies were apparently all too happy to oblige the government’s courtship. Skeptical? Just listen to the new customer service menu: “Dial one for new service, two for technical support, three for secret government alliances…” At least now we know why third-party calling is a free feature.
In truth, the government is not really listening in on our calls, but looking for patterns in the number of calls we make and to where. Of course it wouldn’t take Angela Lansbury to figure out our personal identity merely from that, but unless you have Al-Qaeda on your speed dial, you probably have little to worry about.
Politics aside, eavesdropping is nothing new in our culture. We’re familiar with how it works at home: Little Brother listens in on Big Sister’s private phone chat. Big Sister is outraged and tells Dad. Dad grounds little brother. The difference in this case is that Dad’s the one listening to every call in house, explaining that if he didn’t listen, some terrorists might blow up the kitchen.
Some politicians and privacy advocates are crying foul, but surveys show that Americans aren’t too concerned about what the NSA is doing. We may be bugged, but we’re not bothered. Why? For one thing, Americans know the banalities of our daily conversation would wear down the survival instincts of even the most well-trained government operatives. In fact, I suggest the government send tapes of our phone chats directly to our secret interrogation prisons around the world. It’s got to be more effective than womens’ underwear.
Gaining access to strangers’ private lives is also something we take for granted. Tabloids scream at us with the intimate details of celebrity dalliances, break-ups, and makeups. Blogs hit us up with off-camera political remarks and hearsay. TheSmokingGun.com shares detailed police reports about both celebrities and common folk. Ride on a New Jersey Transit commuter train and you’ll learn all sorts of interesting things about the guy on a cell phone two rows behind you, including domestic violence history, how much he hates his boss, and proctologist test results.
But mostly, Americans don’t care because of a certain blank check we wrote to our government in exchange for fighting and preventing terrorism. I just hope we wrote “For Deposit Only” on the back.
Care or not, I’m forwarding my phone bill to President Bush, or at least writing it off come tax time. My privacy may be fair game, but I know enough to recognize that if someone’s on my line for official purposes, I shouldn’t be the only one footing the bill.
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