Almost.
The only problem was the invitations, which read: “You are invited to celebrate Joel’s bar-mitzvah and transition to Jewish manhood at the FIRST CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD AND SAVIOR.”
Some cultural collisions can’t be avoided.
Take December 25, 2005 for starters. With Hanukkah night starting the same day as Christmas morning, it’s God’s version of a double-header. This season, as always, my wife and I are trying to raise our kids in a way that’s tolerant of many different cultures, including Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, Hindus, Secular Humanists, Jews, Half-Jews, and Hollywood Jews. As for Scientologists….well, there’s always next season.
Illustrating the diversity within our own family, we light a menorah, but also share presents on Christmas morning. We spin dreidels, but also hang garlands. We focus a little too much on presents, but also focus a little too much on presents.
But truly respecting another culture sometimes requires more than ornaments and decorations; it means standing in another’s shoes, and that’s a hard thing to do. Especially if they’re Jimmy Choos – man, those things pinch.
Those who feel Christmas is under attack in our schools, for example, should try to imagine what it’s like for a non-Christian kid to sing or listen to lyrics like “Christ our Savior is born” in a public school celebration. That kind of cultural collision is very ostracizing, and social isolation is one of the worst things that can happen to a schoolchild. As someone who consistently adopted fashion fads years after they officially ended, I know what I'm talking about.
Compared to the impact on a Christmas-celebrating child who gets to experience “Silent Night, Holy Night” everywhere but school, I feel we should defer to the confused, parachute-pants-wearing Jewish kid left to censor himself in the middle of chorus practice.
That said, sometimes we try too hard to anticipate and adjust for other peoples’ perspectives. I’ll say “Happy Holidays” to anyone who doesn’t steal my parking spot, but take no offense when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. Very few people outside of Utah take to the street armed with “Merry Christmases” and a fierce intention to convert non-believers on the spot. Also, if we outlaw innocent but inaccurate greetings, the service industry is in big trouble. Can you imagine a McDonald’s employee saying, “Here’s your fries, and have the kind of day you deem appropriate given your circumstances and temperament”? They have enough trouble remembering to super-size you.
But all this hypothetical philosophizing only gets one so far. As an experiment in facing cultural collision first-hand as a grown-up, I recently revealed a deep and stigmatizing secret to friends and family.
I outed myself as a hardcore Barry Manilow fan. And anyone who can put hardcore and Barry Manilow in the same sentence is a serious devotee.
My mother’s reaction was naturally muted. She said she suspected all along, blamed herself, and promised to love me no matter what. But my friends and acquaintances quickly isolated me. When two female coworkers were discussing the latest Gwen Stefani download and I suggested they try “Mandy,” their stares made me feel unwelcome. It may have had something to do with the fact we were all in the Ladies Room -- I’ll never know for sure. I probably should have gone with “Looks Like We Made It.”
To mitigate the negative effects of cultural collision, I’ve come up with three new 2006 New Year’s resolutions; I’m sharing them with you in the hopes they catch on:
1. More respecting the differences among good people
2. More listening to alternative points of view
3. Less hanging out in ladies’ rooms and wearing their shoes
My final wish to you and yours: Happy Holidays or whatever kind of seasonal celebration you deem appropriate given your circumstances and temperament.
Hallmark should be calling any minute.
See how this article appeared in the News-Record of Maplewood & South Orange
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