It used to be that talking to yourself in public was considered weird. Or, in certain parts of New York City, "Thursday." But these days, you can't travel the distance between two falafel stands without spotting a handful of people using "Star Trek"-like blue-tooth headsets to communicate with far-away friends, colleagues, or, presumably, Klingons. If they're not plugged into cell phones, they're typically listening to iPods, typing into blackberries, or using mobile PDAs (personality-draining appliances).
This not just an obsession with new gadgetry; it's an alarming and truly dangerous trend toward personal isolationism. New technology has transformed many of us from chatty, argument-seeking New Yorkers into non-social, occasionally vibrating zombies. Not only are we lost in our own little worlds, but the original self-talkers want their good reputations back. How did we get to this point?
It all seemed innocent enough when we first started going steady with our cell phones. We kept them close, whispered into their tiny ears, and clothed them in fashionable colors and soft faux leathers. It was a satisfying relationship – after all, everyone likes a partner who can take charge. The original cell phones didn't prevent anyone from enjoying the city's beautiful ambient sounds like honking taxis, swearing pedestrians, and double-decker tour buses careening in our direction. But the monogamy between New Yorkers and their cell phones came to an end with the development of greater and more annoying weapons of mass distraction.
Nowadays, anyone with working ears and thumbs can make phone calls from an earset, listen to music, surf the web, text-message friends, and do a million other things that exponentially increase the chances of getting hit by a bicycle messenger. Even on the subway, riders are often watching old television episodes or jamming quietly to the latest diva-of-the-month, instead of engaging in more socially-acceptable activities like awkward staring and grinding up against complete strangers.
Last month, state senator Carl Kruger introduced legislation that would fine walkers and bicyclists for using portable electronic devices while crossing city streets. He's targeting digital music-loving pedestrians because he's concerned for their safety. Either that or he's acting out some pent-up anger that his personal 8-track tape collection didn't have more longevity.
Critics of the bill counter that careless drivers – not iPods or pedestrians – cause street accidents. They know, like we all do, that New York City pedestrians cross the street only when it's absolutely safe and legal to do so.
I propose some simple solutions that won't restrict anyone's civil or audible liberties. First, put little neon headphones on the stick figure in all city WALK/DON'T WALK traffic signals. That may grab their attention. Is there enough room on the sign to show the headphone-wearing stick figure getting creamed by a delivery van?
Second, I recommend a city-wide public service ad campaign that features a smashed up automobile in the background and a slightly damaged MP3 player in the foreground. Beneath that horrific image, a message:
"Please tune out when crossing city streets. The playlist you save may be your own."
I have to admit that I'm as guilty of technological isolationism as anyone. I watch TV shows on my video iPod, use my cell phone prolifically, and enjoy as much of my neighbors' wireless access as my laptop can easily steal. I also ignore people and fast-moving vehicles, am unconscionably cold to service people, and force my Neil Diamond obsession on anyone unlucky enough to share an elevator with me. It's not a pretty scene.
As much as grown men and woman sport such toys, this waist-clipped technology is also clearly targeting young people (as if teenagers needed more help weighing down their pants). Teens upgrade their personal technology like most people change their underwear, so when gizmo-makers can't come up with better products, they just invent cooler names. Witness Motorola's "Razr" and Verizon's "Chocolate". Is the Sprint "Scissr" and the Apple "Cobbler" far behind?
Sadly, today's kids will never know what it's like to wait for a letter in the mail, answer a telephone without looking at it first, sit through a bad song, or watch a phonograph's arm swing over and connect needle to vinyl. Some of that signals healthy progress, but I also want kids to know how hard we grownups worked for our entertainment back when we had to get up to change TV channels and dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
I'm doubtful that we'll ever return to the glory days of complete human-to-human interaction, but at least we can stop where we are and show some moderation. Do we really need to check email every half-hour? Was lifting cell phones to our ears all that annoying? Does a short run to the bodega really require an accompanying Christina Aguilera soundtrack?
Feel free to text amongst yourselves.
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